Hi everyone
My 18 month PCR test is being done tomorrow, and this last week I've been experiencing two things that I hope are side effects and nothing more sinister. I would be grateful if anyone who has had these two experiences could comment and advise.
First, I'm experiencing an overwhelming anxiety, fear and sense of dread. Tiny things cause me to overreact and things that I wouldn't usually get upset about are becoming huge, life-threatening problems for me. I liken it to a terror attack on my body. While I don't believe in taking anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs, I'm really struggling with the feeling that the next PCR test is going to show some more bad news. This is partly because I haven't hit MMR 15 months on, but it's really interfering with my daily functioning. I can't sleep, wake up at all hours with terrible thoughts, can't concentrate on my work, become irritable with everything and everyone. Has anyone else experienced these types of emotions and, if so, how do you deal with them?
Second, about 10 days ago I suddenly found a strange lump on the back of my head - approximately 1cm in diameter, painless, smooth and movable but rubbery. It hasn't gone away but also hasn't gotten worse. Because of the "sense of dread" described above, I'm terrified that this is the beginning of lymphoma or that the CML has somehow spread into the lymph nodes - not sure whether this is possible? I managed to get an appointment with a dermatologist today and he immediately put my mind at rest, saying that it was an abscess, and he then said that it could be drained easily with a local anaesthetic. Unfortunately, when he tried to drain it, there was only blood inside - not the pus and fluid that he was expecting - and he confessed that he was stumped as to what it could be. He has given me topical antibiotic cream and isn't ruling out a possible malignancy - if it doesn't disappear in a week, he is going to refer me to a dermatological surgeon for surgical removal and biopsy of this "cyst".
I know that people say that those of us who can't remain positive have a worse prognosis, and I desperately want to cope more effectively with this fear without the use of drugs. But on the other hand, there is so much to deal with, especially if one is not responding optimally to the drugs and then has some further bad news thrown in! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Kind regards and best wishes
Martin